So Your Gor-Monite Child is Going to Explode/Transcript
Gabby's House (alarm blaring) (alarm dying) [[Dina Duran|'Dina']]:' Morning, sunshine. Up and at 'em. (''groaning) [[Gabby Duran|'''Gabby]]:''' Your morning attitude? It's off-putting. '''Dina: I'm gonna need you to watch your sister for a couple hours today, okay? Gabby: (sighs) Babysitting. If you've got a younger sister sibling, you're gonna get roped into it sooner or later. Thankfully, I pretty much rule at it. the living room Olivia: Crazy idea. What if we spent the day making a new... chore wheel? Gabby: Liv, I love you, I do, but someone needs to save you from yourself. What if, instead, we spent this 20 bucks Mom left us in case of emergencies? Olivia: But this isn't an emergency. Gabby: If we're talking chore wheels, this is as dire as it gets. shifts to the Supermarket Olivia: Um... you're sure we need Sugar-Frosted Blammo Bombs? Gabby: The fact that you even have to ask that tells that me we do. Get climbin'. [Olivia climbs the shelves.] Olivia: Um... these shelves don't feel super-sturdy. Are you watching me? Gabby: Of course I am. [Olivia goes down with cereal boxes.] Gabby's House Gabby: (sighs) Well, there's no swelling, so that's good. You sure you're okay? Olivia: I'm fine. Plus, how could I be mad? You introduced me to these guys. [eats cereal] Gabby: [to the spectators] See? Babysitting's a piece of cake. I'm Gabby Duran, and this is the story of how I became the best babysitter in the galaxy. SONG [At Gabby's house, Olivia's eating while Gabby looks at her phone.] Dina: Aw, Katrina and Michelle! I miss those girls. You should call them. There's no reason you girls can't still be friends. Gabby: Mom, it's been three weeks, and we moved eight states away. They moved on. Dina: They have not moved on. Gabby: They've already replaced me. [shows her a photo on her phone] You see this girl? I don't know this girl. Say hello to Gabby 2.0. The new me. Can we just move back to Miami? Dina: Gabby, I know this has been hard for you, but it is what's best for the family. I mean, the school district here has a gifted program that can challenge Olivia in ways that her other school just couldn't. Olivia: And Mom was offered an on-air position for Local 6. Dina: I'm on mugs now! [shows a mug with a picture of her on it] Olivia: Mugs, Gabby! Gabby: Wow, that does actually make me feel better. Dina: Really? Gabby: Nope. Look, I'm glad that you two have new job and a new school, but what do I have here? Dina: You will find something, Gabby. I know you. Pretty soon, you're gonna get your picture on a mug. You know, metaphorically speaking. Havensburg Junior High [Gabby walks down the hall.] Wesley: Join the Mysteries of Havensburg Club. [to the students walking by] Hey, do you have a second to-- You! You look like a person who might wanna-- Cool, we'll talk later! [sees Gabby approaching] Gabby! Care to join the Mysteries of Havensburg Club? We investigate weird and potentially paranormal occurrences around the town. You know, ghosts, Big Feet, Dobek the Janitor. [They turn to see Dobek] (eerie music playing) Wesley: I think he'been collecting student garbage. I'm pretty sure the reason is paranormal-slash-supernatural in nature. I'd bring my trash home with me if I were you. [shows her his backpack full of garbage] So, you interested in signing up? We could use a second member. Gabby: You know, it weirdly does sound kinda fun, but... I don't think I'm gonna be in this town for much longer. Man (over P.A.): Gabby Duran to the principal's office. Now. Gabby: I'm getting kicked out of school. [In Principal Swift's office, he eats one of his mints, while Gabby sits in front of him.] Principal Swift: A curious thing happened as I stepped out to my automobile today. [A Flashback is shown where the director sees his automobile covered with duct tape.] Principal Swift: It said "Gabby Duran did this" with your student I.D. So tell me, Gabby, was the sprayed paint correct? Did you indeed cover my automobile with duct tape? Gabby: Yup. You caught me. It was me. Principal Swift: Then, I suppose... I need to thank you! Clearly you were just trying to protect it from falling bird excrement. And I must say, I understand the impulse. I, too, despise all these birds and their free-wheeling, excrete-as-you-may lifestyle. It's an affront to civilized people everywhere. So thank you, Gabby, for helping your fellow man. Gabby: So, am I getting kicked out of school, of... ? Principal Swift: I should think not. Gabby: Okay, then. I want you to remember that you left me with no choice. (screaming) (rock music playing) [Gabby's starting to mess everything up frenetically.] Gabby's house Dina: What were you thinking? He could have kicked you out of school! Gabby: But, Mom, I-- I know. I know. I went too far this time. Dina: You duct-taped the man's car! Gabby: I just... I wanna go back to my old life. Dina: Gabby, this is your life now. You have to try and make the best of it. I mean, look at your sister: she was just named Student of Month at her school. Gabby: Student of the Month? We've only been here three weeks! Olivia: What can I say? It's been a whirlwind. Dina: Okay, well, we're gonna need to get in front of this. You and I are going over to Principal Swift's house to apologize. Gabby: Going over to his house? Look, Mom, I know I stepped over the line this time, but how about I just do it at school tomorrow? Dina: Because I don't know that you will do it at school tomorrow, Gabby. I mean, you're trashing principals' offices now? Who knows what you're gonna do? Gabby: Fine. I'll go apologize. But I'm gonna do it on my own, okay? So I can prove to you I'm a responsible, trustworthy person. [starts to leave] Dina: Oh, Gabby, wait. Bring him one of these. [gives her a mug] What? People love mugs. [Later, Gabby arrives at Principal Swift's house.] Gabby: Doesn't even trust me to apologize. My own mother! (door bell ringing) Gabby: Hello? (door bell ringing rapidly) Gabby: Principal Swift? Way to pick a super creepy house, guy. [Gabby walks to the back of the house.] (s''uspenseful music playing'') (crows cawing) [Gabby arrives at the back door of the house.] Gabby: Anybody? (shouting) I'm 100% not coming back here again! Well, I guess this was all just one big waste of-- [Gabby turns and sees Jeremy as an alien.] (screaming) (roaring) Gabby: (grabs a shovel) Get away from me, you... (hits him with the shovel) Jeremy: Ow! Listen! Gabby: Whatever you are! Jeremy: Ow! Time out! Time out! Time out! (transforms into his human form) Gabby: What is going ahhhh... [Gabby's knocked out by a artifact. She wakes up in a strange room, she's tied to a chair.] (groaning) [A floating orb approaches her.] Orb: Consciousness detected. State your name. Gabby: State my name? State your name! I have rights, you know! You can't just go and-- Orb: Subject hostile. Begin probing sequence. (laser powering up) Gabby: Hey! Don't you get any closer! I, uh, took two years of karate! Orb: Probability assessment: subject is lying. [The orb gets close to Gabby and she kicks it causing it to hit the wall.] (electricity crackles) [Gabby breaks free and goes to the door.] [Principal Swift was next to the door hidden in alien form and surprises her.] Gabby: Principal Swift? What is going on? Principal Swift: Come, Gabby. There is much to discuss. Gabby: OKay, first item to discuss: Where are we?! (chuckles) Principal Swift: (opens the door) My basement. [He goes out and Gabby follows him.] [In the living room, there's Gabby, the principal and Jeremy, Jeremy and the principal are eating.] Principal Swift: Oooh, yummy! (lip-smacking) Gabby: So, you two are-- Principal Swift: Aliens, yes. Jeremy and I are Gor-Mons. We are shapeshifters from the planet Gor-Mona. Uh, shrimp cocktail? I'm told it's a very popular human meal. Gabby: I'm good, thanks. Principal Swift: Oh. Gabby: Also, I don't think you're supposed to eat the tails. Principal Swift: Oh! Mmmm. Ah. (clears throat) Well, there. When in Rome. (chuckling) Now, Jeremy is heir to the Gor-Monite throne. But there are some on our planet who would be less than happy to see Jeremy rise to the position of Supreme Leader. Jeremy: You get in my mouth, shrimp! Gabby: Really? That kid? (scoffs) Can't imagine why. Principal Swift: Yes. Now, as his uncle, it is my job to keep him hidden here until he comes of age. Keeping our alien identities a secret is of the utmost importance. However, Jeremy has certain behavioral challenges that can complicate things. Jeremy: Stupid thing's broken! I'm calling the police! (grabs a phone) Principal Swift: Oh, stop that! [to Gabby] Now, my job at the school help us to blend in seamlessly to Earth culture-- (gagging, choking) (chuckling) Sorry. Shrimp tail. But what it also means is that I can't watch him all the time. Now, as such, I require a good babysitter. Now, that is where you come in. Gabby: Whoa, whoa, hold up. Babysitting? That's what this is about? Principal Swift: Mm-hmm. Gabby: Sorry to say but you got the wrong kid, Swifty. Principal Swift: Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby. I have precisely the right kid. Now, you may be the most fearless, resourceful human I have ever met. The way you handled yourself in the basement. The way you attacked Jeremy when he revealed his true, admittedly hideous self. (chuckles) The way you nobly shielded my car from the droppings of those foul, vile birds. Gabby: Again, that's really not-- Principal Swift: Gabbity Gab Gab-- There is something special about you. Now, if anyone on Earth can babysit Jeremy... you can. Jeremy: Wait. You want her to babysit me? Principal Swift: Yes, Jeremy. That is literally what we've been talking about this entire time. Jeremy: No way! Humans are gross! And that one smells like taquitos. Gabby: Hey! Taquitos are awesome! You're gross! Jeremy: You're gross! Principal Swift: Jeremy-- Jeremy, why don't you go and help yourself to an ice cream sandwich from the freezer? Jeremy: Free ice cream sandwich? Baller. [to Gabby] But this isn't over, human. You and me are now serious frenemies. [converts to his alien form and leaves] Principal Swift: So. What do you think? (silence) Gabby: Yeah. I'm in. Havensburg Junior High [Gabby walks down the school hall.] Gabby: Wesley! Wesley: Oh! Look who didn't get kicked out of school! Gabby: Yep. I guess I'm here to stay. Speaking of which, does that club of yours ever talk about, like... aliens? Wesley: Um, only all the time. I've never actually been able to prove the existence of aliens in Havensburg, though. Gabby: Oh. Wesley: If they are here, they are super good at blending in. Gabby: Yeah. Wesley: So, does this mean you wanna join the club? Gabby: Sure. Why not? Wesley: Wait. Really? Gabby: Yeah. You seem cool. And I'm starting to think this club is something I should really be a part of. Wesley: Yes! You are not gonna regret this! [hugs her] [Later, at Principal Swift's house, Gabby's seeing a letter.] Gabby: "Mr. Principal Swift". So, your first name is "Principal"? Principal Swift: Yes. Gabby: Your name is just "Principal Swift"? Principal Swift: Yes, Gabby. Of course! How else would people know that I'm a principal? Gabby: Wait. So you go to the dentist-- Principal Swift: Gabby, please! Please, we need to finish going through the rules. Now, "Rule 74: Absolutely no soda pop of any sort". [Gabby sees her purse.] Gabby: No soda? Why not? Principal Swift: Well, that was covered extensively in the orientation materials I gave you. Now, you did read the orientation materials I gave you? [Is seen a flashback where Gabby threw the materials into the garbage can.] Gabby: Of course! I mean, who doesn't love long, boring binders of instruction? Principal Swift: Exactly! Now, I'm holding a mandatory safety seminar for the teachers, and I should be back in a few hours. Oh, and you will need this. [gives her a telephone-like device] Gabby: Cool. One super old phone. Principal Swift: No. One incredibly powerful piece of alien technology to aid you in your babysitting duties. Now, as you can see, I have disguised it to seamlessly blend into Earth culture. I won't waste time explaining how to use it, as that was also covered extensively in the orientation materials I gave you. Now, if you'll excuse me. [walks] (buttons beeping) (laser blasting) Principal Swift: Gabby, you are now responsible for the future leader of an entire planet. I'm placing a lot of trust in you. Gabby: Swifty, come on! I got this! Everything is gonna be fine! [The scene is cut to Jeremy, who's finishing up a soda.] (belches) Jeremy: You were right. Taquitos rule. Gabby: Told ya, kid. I got mad wisdom. (phone beeping) Gabby: Whoa. So, what's up with your shapershifting, huh? Can you just, like, change into whatever you want, or... ? Jeremy: I wish! Gor-Mons are digestive shapeshifters, which means I can only change into things I eat. Gabby: So you, like... ate a kid? Jeremy: The hair of one. Gabby: Cool, cool. (phone beeps off) Jeremy: I can't believe Principal let you use that. He never lets me do anything because he thinks I'll mess up and let everyone know we're aliens. You know, I've never even gone bowling. Or to the movies. Or a drive-thru. Gabby: Seriously? You've never been to a drive-thru? That's messed up, man. Drive-thrus rule. Jeremy: (gritting teeth) I bet they do! Sometimes I just wish he trusted me more, you know? Gabby: Yeah, I know how that goes. My mom doesn't really trust me, either. Even though I'm pretty much like the most responsible person I know. (gurgling) Jeremy: Ummmm... [shows his stomach] What's happening to me? Gabby: Uh... probably nothing. But still-- [grabs her cell phone and calls] Principal Swift: Yes, Gabby? Gabby: Hey Swifty, quick question: hypothetically, if Jeremy's stomach was, like, uh... (groaning) Gabby: ...bubbling a little, what would that be all about? Principal Swift: Well, Jeremy assimilates the molecular structure of anything he ingests. So, if you gave him soda pop, for example, it would mean that his body has absorbed the volatile, carbonated qualities of the drink, effectively turning him into a time bomb that would explode in approximately one hour, destroying him an anything else in a hundred-foot radius. But you definitely did not give him soda pop, correct? Gabby: You really think I'd do something that irresponsible? Honestly, it's like you don't even know me at all. Principal Swift: Very well, then. I have to go. Bye-bye! Gabby: So, don't make a whole big thing of this, but... it looks like you're gonna blow up. Gabby's house Gabby: We've got like-- Like 47 minutes to figure this out. Jeremy: I'm gonna be okay, though, right, Gabby? I mean, after I blow up? Gabby: Um... yeah, sure. Why not? Bingo! Orientation materials! Okay, here we go. "To prevent explosion, feed your child sodium silicate, a mineral found in the soil of Zzzanzar VII, some poly-dimensional light beings, and Gor-Monite breath mints". [Gabby remembers Principal Swift eating one of his mints.] Gabby: That's it! Swift's always popping those weird mints! Jeremy: Baller! I'll just call him and-- Gabby: No way, you doof! He cannot find out about this. Jeremy: Wait. I thought we didn't want me to blow up. Gabby: Jeremy, do you see that mantle over there? My whole life, my mom and sister have been doing these great things and getting all these awards. But me? I've always just been the family screw-up. But this babysitting job is my chance to do something great, too. Principal Principal Swift is trusting me with one of the most important jobs in the galaxy, and I am not about to make him think I can't do it. Now, let's do the responsible thing and go steal some breath mints. [The scene is cut to the school, where Principal Swift was teaching.] Principal Swift: Abdominal thrust! Abdominal thrust! Now, it's very important to always wear a hat. [Gabby and Jeremy are watching him from the outside.] Jeremy: You sure about this? Gabby: No, you're right. Let's just go home and let you explode! C'mon, trust me! I'm a wizard! Wesley: Gabby? Gabby: Oh! Hi, Wesley! What, uh-- what are you doing here after school? Wesley: Well, I left some trash in my locker and I gotta get to it before Dobek does, 'cause my DNA's all over that stuff. Gabby: Mm-hmm. Wesley: What are you doing here? Gabby: Me? I-- I'm-- Jeremy: We're here to steal my uncle's breath mints, so I don't explode. I'm Jeremy, by the way. I'm an ali.. en. [Welsey grunts] Gabby: Sorry, bud. Couldn't let you hear that last part. Okay, now we just need a distraction so we can get those min-- (condor screeches) Gabby: How would you feel about eating some dead bird? [The scene is cut to Principal Swift teaching.] Principal Swift: And one more abdominal thrust! Now, that brings us to our next issue: my automobile is currently covered in duct tape. Can anyone give me a ride home? (screeching) (teachers screaming) Principal Swift: Ah! I knew this day would come! (condor screeching) Principal Swift: You couldn't defile my vehicle, so you come for me instead, eh, bird? Well, come at me! Now, no one panic! I will establish dominance! Ka-kaw! Ka-kaw! I'm the boss! I'm the boss here! Ka-kaw! Ka-kaw! Ka-kaw! [Gabby comes in and gets the mint container.] Principal Swift: Ka-kaw! I'm the boss! I'm the boss here! Ka-kaw! Ahhh! (condor screeches) [The scene is cut to Gabby in another classroom, Jeremy comes in.] (sighs) Gabby: It's about time! Jeremy: Sorry. That guy really hates birds! Did you get the mints? Gabby: Right here. [opens the container] Empty? Jeremy: No mints. (stomach gurgling) Jeremy: (sighing) I'm gonna blow up. You know, I'm starting to think you might not be a very good babysitter. Gabby: No. I'm a great babysitter! We've still got one more shot. [The scene is cut to director Swift, who eats a mint, Gabby and Jeremy come in.] Gabby: Hey, Swifty! Principal Swift: Gabby, what are you-- (coughs) (heroic music playing) [Gabby runs to the principal and hits him, making him spit out the mint and come out shot, and Jeremy catches it with his mouth.] (squeals) Jeremy: I did it! I caught food in my mouth! Gabby: Yeah! Also, you're not gonna die! Jeremy: That, too! (both laughing) Principal Swift: Ahem! [The scene is cut to principal Swift talking to Gabby and Jeremy in his office.] Principal Swift: What you two did today was completely reckless and could have easily resulted in Jeremy's explosion. However, it did not. And you did display remarkable poise and ingenuity in an emergency situation, which should probably count for something. Gabby: So... am I fired? Principal Swift: Well, given the circumstances, I think it's fair to let you off with a stern warning, provided nothing like this ever... ever happens again. And you, Jeremy. That aerial attack was... very convincing. If you could convince me you were one of those winged abominations, perhaps I've understimated you. Gabby: And maybe to make up for that, you two could pick up some drive-thru on the way home? (groaning) Principal Swift: Well, I suppose so. Jeremy: Baller. Gabby: Also, I can borrow some of your trash? I sort of did something to a friend of mine and need to make it up to him. (Wesley groaning) Wesley: What happened? "Stop asking question". Trash. Dobek. I was right! Gabby's house Dina: So. What do you think? I figure we can put it on the mantle downstairs. Gabby: "Daughter of the Month"? Mom, this is incredibly lame. Dina: (sighs) I know. It's just that Principal Swift told me what a great job you did babysitting for him. And I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately. I know this whole moving thing hasn't been easy. Gabby: Yeah, well, I suppose I probably could have handled things a bit better. Olivia: It's true. But that's how we learn. I'm proud of your growth, sis. Gabby: Thanks, Liv. Dina: Oh! I also... got you this. [gives her a gift bag] [Gabby sees it contained a mug with a picture of her mom on it.] Dina: What? People love mugs! Principal Swift's house Principal Swift: Thank you for coming on such short notice. Gabby: Ah, that's what babysitting geniuses are for. So, what's up? [Gabby and the principal come in and go to the living room. There is a group of adult aliens with their children.] Gabby: What the--? Principal Swift: Jeremy and I aren't the only aliens who need babysitting help. Android Boy: Hi! Hello! (water bubbling) [The alien kids greet.] Gabby: Wow! One of you smells real bad. Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:Transcripts